Rach,


I keep thinking back on our relationship, and thinking about how stupid I was about this sex stuff. I shouldn't have held back. I wanted you, I really did. I still do. I just don't know how to show it without looking like an idiot or sounding dumb. I cared so much about what you thought about me and I wanted things to work for us.


God, the number of times you were half-naked...completely naked in my bed. It drove me crazy but I didn't know what to do or how to act. Now, I'd give anything for that back. The one time that really stuck with me was the time we were at NJani's and you had your foot in my crotch and your hands on my tits. I wanted so badly to fuck you then and there. I wanted to go down on you, and stay their for hours. I wanted to spend my time kissing every inch of you, memorizing you down to the last inch.


I wish I had, especially now, because I feel like the memories of you are slipping faster than I'd hope. I was so often flustered and unable to find the words to tell you how I felt but now they flow so freely from my apparently slow brain. I've been an idiot, from the beginning. I would give the world to go back and sweep you off your feet the way I should have and prove that I'm capable of being what you need.


But maybe I fucked up so badly that I'm passed a second chance. Maybe my second chance was you coming back to me after I broke up with you. I was so fucking stupid. I am sorry.


I can't write this anymore. It makes everything hurt and my eyes flood with tears.


Yours always,
Lor